Saturday, 7 Apr 07, 9.37pm in my room..
Hi My Little Diary..
It's very seldom for me to stay at home at this hour especially on Saturday. Actually I was just back from my outing, now Ron went out with his friends for some drinks. I guess now I should learn how to love a guy by not too strictly tying him down. Guys need their freedom sometimes, rite?
Ron and I went to Orchard just now to have our pre-marriage counselling.. today is the last one! Yipee.. finally we finished it! It was started last month, we had to attend the counselling every week.. It's not that we're a troublesome couple that needs counselling, but it's a requirement from our church in Indonesia if we want our marriage to be blessed in that church! I thought that the counselling was like a combination of 'pelajaran Agama dan PPKN' that I took during my high school period, so I was not so excited to attend it. But, now I found out it was useful. The funny part is, Ron and I really discussed every chapter after we came out from the class, and the day after, and the other days.. even when we sometimes make jokes or have some arguments about certain topics, Koh Yubi's name (our pastor's name) suddenly come out in the middle of our conversation! Funny rite? Hihihi.. Seriously, we really feel that the counselling was useful, it really helps us understanding each other's personalities better.. and we really feel that we're getting married! Hahaha.. we sometimes forget about it! I think it's because we don't do so much preparations here.. our dear parents are settling everything.. Oh, love you deep deep Mommy and Daddy! :P
Just today I've made a very big decision! You know what that is? Dag dig dug dig dag dig dug.. (dinyanyikan dengan irama Mamaku pas ngudang Celine). Ok ok, serious mood on now.. I've decided to be a writer!! Isn't that too big decision to take? What do you think, little diary?
I've discussed it with cip2 and Ron today.. Cip2 supports me, she thinks that I'm capable to be one.. I know that she was sincere when she told me that.. but Ron? when I told him about my new career path, he raised his eye brow (just one eye brow), and I could see his burried smile (read: senyum terpendam alias diempet). I also could see there was doubt in his eyes although finally he said that he would support me fully.. I don't blame him to react that way because I myself admit that I'm a bit 'plin-plan'. Just within a day, I can change my mind easily..
Honestly, I've been struggling a lot about what I'm gonna do for my career.. I told you before that I was planning something, rite? It's actually about setting up business. Until now I'm still confused on what kind of business I wanna do.. at that time I really wanted to do business A, the next day I found out business B was better, the next month I realised that business C was more feasible.. now I wanna be a writer! This is the reason why Ron just smiled when I told him about my 'new cita2' to be a novelist! But, you also can't really blame me! I'm still in the process of finding my real identity.. For your information, I was very very serious everytime I proposed my business proposals including this 'new cita2'! I dunno why now I suddenly can fully understand the feeling of a guy who changes gf many times yet he still dares to say that he's serious everytime he's dating each of his gf and hoping that she'll be his wife..
Hopefully, this time I really can make my dream comes true! Now I still dunno what I'm good at, what I'm capable at.. I need people to tell me, guide me, and support me.. I think I'm really a plegmatis type of person. Just today Koh Yubi taught us 4 types of person that Christians believe. Plegmatis is type of person that can't make decision, can't maximise his/her potentials, can't show off what he/she is capable at, easily to be turned down, faithful, soft (baca: lembek kayak tahu Jepang). Of course Koh Yubi didn't say I was like tofu hihihihi.. *tofu bisa lumer kalo ada yang berani bilang gitu*
Anyway, now I got approval from Ron to be a novelist.. He gives me some period of time to prove myself. Actually I hate deadline! I like to take my own time to do something so that I can do it better. . so, in future if I fail, don't blame me.. coz he gives me deadline and I told you already I hate deadline! It's not an excuse but it's an err.. excuse. I know it's an excuse :( I guess I'm the purest plegmatis can a creature be! I have a confidence like tofu (it's boiled tofu! not even a fried tofu!). I hate that but I can't help it!
My little diary, just wait and see what I'll be, ok? Keep praying.. remember the song in my dream "Dia Buka Jalan"? Is this your way, God?
Cheers
-Abbie's Finding her Identity-
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