I'm Crying Out Loud to You

Tuesday, 29 July 08, 9.36am at home

Ketika kuhadapi kehidupan ini,
Jalan mana yang harus kupilih,
Ku tahu ku tak mampu,
Ku tahu ku tak sanggup,
Hanya Kau Tuhan tempat jawabanku.

Aku pun tahu ku tak pernah sendiri,
Sbab Kau Allah yang menggendongku,
Tangan-Mu membelaiku,
Cinta-Mu memuaskanku,
Kau mengangkatku ke tempat yang tinggi.

Janji-Mu seperti fajar pagi hari,
Dan tiada pernah terlambat bersinar,
Cinta-Mu seperti sungai yang mengalir,
Dan ku tahu betapa dalam kasih-Mu.

Betapa kumencintai,
Segala yang t’lah terjadi,
Tak pernah sendiri jalani hidup ini,
Selalu menyertai.

Betapa kumenyadari,
Di dalam hidupku ini,
Kau slalu memberi rancangan terbaik,
Oleh karena kasih.

Bapa, sentuh hatiku, ubah hidupku,
Menjadi yang baru,
Bagai emas yang murni,
Kau membentuk bejana hatiku.

Bapa, ajarku mengerti sebuah kasih,
Yang selalu memberi,
Bagai air mengalir,
Yang tiada pernah berhenti.

-Abbie-

I eat when....

Friday, 25 July 08, 11.30pm at home

Silent night...
Holy night...
er.. ehm............... *forget*

I eat when I'm lonely..
I eat when I'm bored..
I eat when I'm sad..
I eat when I'm mad..
I eat when I'm tired..
I eat when I'm happy..
I eat when I'm excited..
I eat when I'm nervous..
I eat when I'm curious..
I eat when I'm anxious..
I eat when I'm hungry..
I eat when I'm full..
I eat when I'm watching movie..
I eat when I'm sick..
I eat double portion when I'm healthy..
I eat and eat and eat in whatever condition and situation I'm in..
..except for one condition..
I don't feel like eating when I don't succeed in doing 'morning-big-business'!

-Abbie-

An Honored Guest is Coming

Tuesday, 22 July 08, 8.46am at home

Hellow my dear diary,
Last weekend was a long weekend since yesterday was public holiday in Japan. You know what? 21 July is Japan national holiday to celebrate the ocean! It's called Ocean Day (Umi no Hi)! The day marks the return of Emperor Meiji from a boat trip to Hokkaido in 1876 so we should say thanks to the ocean for making the Emperor Meiji came back safely. Cute, isn't it? Yes, Japanese is really cute in choosing national days for their country. Anyway, I don't care, I just want holidays.

Tomorrow night, my pastor is going to come to my home, for his second time. He said that he just wanted to visit us, but hopefully it's because there's a message from God to us that he's going to tell. I really welcome his coming, but, only one concerns me; my sofa! *Sofa makin tua, giginya tinggal tiga!* Since my last post about my sofa, me and my hubby had an agreed-technique on how we both should sit on the sofa. Nothing new, nothing spectacular. We just sit on the sofa with pasrah-mode on! I sit at the right side (the right side still had 3 supporters) while my hubby sits at the center (the center part has no supporter). You can imagine what happens. Usually I'm dragged to the center of sofa and we both duduk amblong ke bawah dan terjepit. But, we just let it be because that's the only way we could sit on the sofa.

Now, the 3 supporters at the right side had also collapsed, only left with 3 supporters at the left side. That makes us more terjepit and susah keluar. But, I keep sitting at the right side while Ron keeps sitting at the center. *Why?* because there's no supporter anymore and we are free to sit! *Why??* Because we won't be disturbed anymore with a loud sound of "dOeNKk!" followed by proses makin terjepitnya our backsides whenever one supporter collapses. *Why???* It's because it happened to us many times when we were watching Tukul Empat Mata, we laughed like crazy, our backsides unconsciously put more pressure to the sofa, and the loud sound of "dOeNKk!" and the movement really shocked us, you know! We thought of earthquake because earthquake happens in Tokyo very OFTEN! Then we stopped laughing, looked at each other shockingly, and the Tukul was not funny anymore. You know what I mean, rite?

Anyway, actually we have no problem sitting on our sofa recently. But now, our pastor is coming! An honored guest is coming!
- We can't let him sit on the sofa and terjepit bertiga with us.
- We can't let him sit on the floor.
- We can't let him sit on my green study chair while seeing us pretending-duduk-nyaman-padahal-terjepit on the sofa.
- We can't let him know that my sofa giginya tinggal tiga!
Let's see what we can do tomorrow. Please help me think, diary!

-Abbie-

Exactly One Year in Tokyo

Thursday, 17 July 08, 3.55pm at home

Hey diary,
Today is a special day. I've been staying in Tokyo for exactly one year today. One more hour then it's exactly the time when I arrived Tokyo one year ago. Phew, time went by so fast. I've gone through the whole four seasons here. Actually I missed autumn. I mean, I was here during autumn but I didn't enjoy the popular Japanese colorful yellow-orange-red leaves! *Why?* I completely forgot about that! I was still in the process of adaptation to this new environment, I was still busy settling down myself, and I was busy balancing my savings with high expenses here. So, having holiday was on my last priority list. Stupid me. But, it's okay. God gives me another opportunity to enjoy the fall this year.

Ok, now is a perfect time to see a mirror. When I first arrived Japan, many things were in my mind. I really wanted to know what would I be doing one year later.
- Would I have bought a house and settled down?
- Would I have mastered Japanese language?
- Would I have found my ideal job and worked comfortably?
- Would I have adapted to this Japan environment?
- Would I have found friends and community?
- Would I have adapted to my husband's life style, considering that I had just got married?
- Would I have had a baby?
- Would I have dressed up like Japanese girls and worn a pair of high heels boot, at least once?
- Would I have changed my hair style finally, considering that I had already been using this hair style for more than 10 years?
- Would I have been able to cook a decent meal for my husband, at least one menu?
- Would I have recovered from 'high-living-cost shock'?
- Would I have slimmed down and reached 48kg?
- Would I have climbed up to Mt. Fuji 10th level?
- Would I have had my confidence of bathing nakedly in public and experienced Japan sauna (onsen)?
- Would I have saved good money?
- Would I have planned to go back home?
- Would I have gone back home???

These are just some of the questions that were crossing into my mind. You wanna know the answers for each question? Yes? No? Don't care? Up to me? Ok, I'll give you the answers briefly here: no, no, no, yes, yes, yes, no, yes, no, yes, yes, no, no, no, yes, yes, no. Sorry if it's difficult to match the questions with the answers. So, there are 8 Yes and 9 No. What does it mean? Am I doing well? Do I pass? Do I fail? Ah, I should just make one more question to make it even. "Would I have mastered house-cleaning-skills?", my answer is "Yes". So, 9 Yes, 9 No. Not bad.

So, now what's the next thing? Wait for July 17th 2009 and answer these 18 questions again and compare and analyse? Haizz.. this list is so useless. What am I doing here?? Would I have done something useful, at least once??

-Abbie-

Kejadian Misterius di RSCM

Wednesday, 16 July 08, 1.13pm at home

Hi Diary!
I received an email from my friend. It's a BIG news! So I upload it here. Sorry, it's in Indonesian.

Ada kejadian aneh di Unit Perawatan Intensif (ICU) RSCM, ditemukan indikasi para pasien yang memerlukan bantuan pernafasan selalu meninggal di tempat tidur yang sama pada kamar yang sama dan selalu pada waktu yang sama yaitu Jumat Pk. 08.00 pagi tanpa peduli umur, kelamin, kondisi atau latar belakang penyakit.

Hal ini sangat membingungkan para dokter dan beberapa ahli bahkan berpikir bahwa hal ini ada hubungannya dengan supranatural, mengapa selalu pada hari Jumat dan pada tempat tidur yang sama?

Lalu para dokter memutuskan untuk menuntaskan kasus ini dan menyelidiki penyebab dari beberapa kejadian tersebut.

Begitu tiba hari Jumat, semua orang di rumah sakit tersebut menunggu dengan tegang apakah kejadian buruk itu akan terulang kembali? Lalu dibaringkanlah pasien baru rumah sakit itu di sana. Beberapa dokter sudah memegang tasbih, quran, alkitab bahkan sebagian lagi memegang bawang putih, salib kayu dan benda-benda suci lainnya untuk menangkal iblis...

Sementara sang pasien tetap terbaring di sana, seiring dengan berjalannya waktu... pukul 07:00... 07:30... tepat sebelum waktu keramat itu tiba... Pintu kamar tersebut terbuka...

....................................................

Kemudian masuklah Tukimin... part timer cleaning service untuk hari Jumat... dia langsung mencabut kabel alat bantu pernafasan pasien dari stop kontaknya lalu.... menggantinya dengan vacuum cleaner dan mulai membersihkan ruangan.

-Abbie

Summer Has Come!

Monday, 14 July 08, 2.26pm at home

Good Afternoon, My Dear Diary..
Today is such a hot day! I think the temperature outside is now more than 32 degree Celsius. Summer has come. Now I'm at home, typing in front of my laptop, with windows all open, but still there is no wind blowing, so I have to kipas-kipas myself. Because of this hot weather, my laptop had once been crashed so I have to be careful with it to not let it too hot now. I fell sick because of this 'weather shock', so did my laptop. So now you can imagine how busy I'm kipas-kipasing while writing this diary, rite? I have to kipas-kipas for myself and kipas-kipas once a while for my laptop. I take the positive point from this, which is, firming my arm! *Only your right arm?*

Last nite I had a weird dream. In my dream, I had a phone call from a famous TV station and they invited me to do 'demo masak' in their TV show! Wasn't it an amazing dream? Although I do dream to be a famous movie star but I never dream to be a famous cook. In my dream, I was panic choosing my best menu. And you know what? I chose to cook spaghetti and martabak goreng. Well, I know, those are not compatible meal set but I really did it! *Lately you don't have a great sense in choosing menu for special event* It's just a dreammmmm.. forget it.

Diary, isn't this a beautiful pair of sandals? It's my sandals! Ha Ha Ha! *So what?* Well, it's not my new sandals. I bought it last year and I stopped wearing it because my feet were so hurt. Yesterday, I was wearing it again after pausing for around 11 months. I thought, time would have healed the pain, time would have changed the sandals' softness. People also say that we must wear the new sandals enough till our feet get used to it and they won't get hurt anymore. So, I decided to wear it again.


Here is what I got:
- x < 700m = feet are still ok.
- 701m < x < 1000m = there were some red scars at the sides of my smallest toes.
- x > 1001m = there were two air balloon at the sides of my smallest toes.
- x = 24hours = the two air balloon were still there.

I tried to take picture of my smallest toe but it was too ugly no matter from which angle I took the picture from, no matter what design software I used to touch it up to make it a little prettier. The ugly part is not only about the balloon, but it's about my toe's nail! My smallest toe's nail (right foot) is black now. It's because when I was around 10 years old, I accidentally menendang pispot adikku dan terpeleset oleh 'air' di dalamnya sehingga jentik kaki sebelah kanan mencium tembok dengan lumayan kerasnya sampai berbunyi, sampai 'air' dari dalam pispot menyiram seluruh kakiku, dan sampai terjadi pendarahan di jentik. I have tried to cut the nail as short as possible with a hope that it would grow normal after that. But why is it still growing so black even till now? I'm wondering if that black thing is because of the pendarahan or because of the magic 'water'? Anyway, I don't want to post the picture here. I don't want to spoil my pretty little diary.

Time to cook dinner now. See you diary.. *Hey, how can you still cook when you were just utak utik your black-nail-jentik??*

-Abbie-

My Wedding Flower After 1 Year

Wednesday, 9 July 08, 4.20pm at home

Hellow my diary,
I just received a picture from my cousin. One of my cousins whom I gave my wedding flower to, remember diary? Yes, she sent me the picture of my wedding flower!! This is the flower that I used in the wedding reception on 8th July 2007. It's very amazing that the flower is still very beautiful. It's probably because my cousin keeps it so well. Isn't it still so beautiful, diary?

Thanks so much for keeping this flower so well, Ci!! I'm very very touched to know that, really..

She puts this flower in a pretty glass vase and puts it on a table near the dining room. I'm wondering if this flower is also a mascot of me in my cousin's house. I'm also wondering how my one other flower is now doing in my other cousin's house.

-Abbie-

My 1st Anniversary

Tuesday, 8 July 08, 10.12am at home

Dear Diary..
I had a very beautiful time yesterday. There's no purpose to show off here or what, I really want to remember that time forever. That's why I want to write it here before I forget the details.

Yes, yesterday we really spent our first wedding anniversary at home. Honestly, I felt down at first. Maybe some of you could already see how I felt from my previous post although I was trying my best to think positive. You know what diary, I didn't regret at all to stay at home yesterday! Yesterday my husband took one day leave so he could stay at home with me. I dunno what he feels, but for me, I feel like we were catching up what we missed lately.

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 7.07am, switched the air-cond off, and wanted to go back to sleep. But, I couldn't sleep so I just gedebak-gedebuk on my bed and the noise made Ron woke up. Then we chatted and cekakak-cekikik for few minutes while still laying on the bed. Then, I was trying to create an atmosphere that we're really celebrating anniversary by asking him "Bagaimana kesan dan pesan Anda mengenai hidup bersama istri Anda selama 1 tahun pertama?" Ron kept silent, he took my left hand and put it on his chest. I laughed and said "Ohh, begini ya jawabannya Pak? Aku disuruh mengerti jawabannya sendiri dengan cara mendengar detak jantung Anda yang adalah jawaban jujur dari..." I had not finished my speech when suddenly a ring was inserted onto my forth finger!!

This moment I won't forget forever! I cried and cried and cried after I saw that ring!! My Wedding Ring is back on my forth finger now! This is the picture of my ring when I was typing this diary. Perhaps you don't understand why I was so surprised. I never told you in details what happened in October last year since it was too sad to remember here. If you notice in one of my October posts, in first paragraph, I did mention how I was so down and regretful. This is because I lost my wedding ring, my precious Tiffany wedding ring, just 3 months after my wedding! I was really sooooo sad and I regretted my clumsiness even till now. But, yesterday, my hubby bought me a Tiffany wedding ring again, same design, same type, smaller size since my old ring was too big.

I was crying wholeheartedly, the feeling was like combination of happy and sad and touched and love. Happy, because I got my wedding ring back. Sad, because it reminded me with a sad incident when I lost my original wedding ring on the night when I returned home from my Japanese class and the moment when I was searching that ring like crazy in the middle of the night for hoursss on the street, on the train, on the train station, and in my school. Touched, because I realized that my hubby forgave my clumsiness and how he understands my heart, it also reminded me how we were bonded together in marriage. Love, because I love him more and more every day. *Permisi nanya, apakah karna disogok??* Ehemm.. BUKANNNN!!!

In the afternoon, we spent time by watching two movies at home; Venus & Mars (Korean movie) and Sex & The City. *What did you do for him in return for that ring?* I also put effort, ok? I went to market to buy daging sapi and tauge. *Is that all?* Hey, it's not that I'm not creative enough to surprise him! It's because that's what he wanted to eat. He wanted to eat soto and perkedel so much!! So, I cooked for him. I know, soto and perkedel and ati ampela plus kecap bango is not a romantic dinner set, that menu is not recommended for lovers who're celebrating anniversary. In Indonesia we even don't eat soto in the evening, soto is breakfast menu! But, we did it! We had dinner at home, with no candles, with no appetizers, with no desserts, with no red wine, with no orange juice with its mini umbrella on top of the glass, with no evening dress, with no mascara, eye liner, etc, with no kruwel-kruwel hair. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary with simple faces, simple dresses, simple hearts, simple foods at our simple home. *Do you regret?* I have my wedding ring back, I have no other expectation!

-Abbie-

10 Reasons for Celebrating Anniversary @ Home

Friday, 4 July 08, 12.59pm at home

My Diary..
I'm still so sick today, my head is still in pain and heavy, my throat, my nose, my bones.. argh.. I feel like simak2. Why must I fall sick in this crucial time? You know what I mean, rite? Yes, it's just 3 more days to go to my anniversary and I had no mood and strength to find nice places, accommodation, transportation etc this week. It's ok, think positive, Abbie!
1. Celebrate it at home has a very deep, intimate, irreplaceable meaning.
2. Celebrate it at home doesn't cost anything
3. Celebrate it at home for 1st anniversary is a good start since it will not set a high expectation for the next years' celebration. It should be progressing over the years, rite? Even if the 2nd anniversary will also be celebrated at home, it doesn't mean that our marriage is regressing, at least it's stagnant.
4. Celebrate it at home is healthy because we'll be protected from UV, global warming, dusts, air pollution, and rain!
5. Celebrate it at home is very beneficial because....
6. Celebrate it at home is a good example for....
7. Celebrate it at home has positive point if we look at from....
8. Celebrate it at home has significant advantage since....
9. Celebrate it at home is a good way to....
10. Celebrate it at home is so wonderful idea because...

Yes!! I have 10 positive points why we should celebrate 1st wedding anniversary at home! I can't believe I have these amazing reasons! :D Yes, I know, I know, I'm still trying to figure out how to fill in the blanks from no.5 to no.10. Please appreciate my work, I was doing my best.

I'm so lemezz now, let me lie down for minutes, kay?
Bye diary.. ZZzzzZzzzzzZzz...

-Abbie-

The Holy Flower

Thursday, 3 July 08, 8.48am at home

Morning diary!
Yesterday night I just received some pictures from my younger sister. Those pictures remind me of my last-time-cita2 before I got married. You know, before getting married, every thing's so romantic, so touching, so this, so that, so on, and so forth. Actually, last time I wanted to keep one of my flower buckets, dry it, preserve it, and put it nicely in a glass vase. But, since I had 3 buckets for my 3-day wedding days, and since I was so busy and tired during the parties, I felt like I didn't care anymore about preserving the flowers, everything was messy and all over the place, even I didn't know where I left my sandals. I gave my two buckets of flowers to my two dearest cousins and I didn't care about my one other flower.

Two days after the parties, my maid found my one other flower in the car. This flower was the one that I used during the church ceremony. It's not really a bucket, it's just a bunch of roses that were tied on my left hand as if I was wearing a bracelet. When I found this flower, honestly, I still had no mood to keep it since I was going to Japan with lots of luggages already. So, I gave this flower to my younger sister. My younger sister was going to Jakarta too for studying, so she left this flower at my parents' home in Solo. It was just left behind on a table near the living room, for months!! One day my mum saw it but the flower was already dry. She was about to throw it away when my dad said "NO!!". My dad said "When this flower is at home, the feeling is like Abbie is also at home". I was soooo touched like crying when I heard my mum told me this over the phone although I felt a bit like my arwah is gentayangan at that house. Anyway, I never thought that my dad can miss me! It's very GREAT feeling, you know!

Then, they bought a glass vase, put it nicely on that vase, and put it on a nice table in living room. It's exactly what I wanted to do! These are the pictures that my sis sent me yesterday.


The best part is, that flower has very deep meaning, that flower is the witness when our marriage was blessed at church, not just any flower. Thanks for my mum and my dad to preserve the flower for me. But now, the problem is, can I have this dried-flower? Can I get the glass vase too? You know, it's not easy to find the matching vase. Will my dad be sad if I take it? Is that dried-flower still a symbol of me in my parents' house? Hmm, I'll think about something else to replace this mascot of me..

-Abbie-

When I'm Jumping Down

Wednesday, 2 July 08, 1.50pm at home

Hellow yellow diary..
Today I'm very sick so I have to stay at home and lie down on the bed. Well, sometimes being sick has advantages, such as, I can just be lazy at home without people calling me 'a lazy pig' and be guilty about it, I can suddenly realize that I can be so cute in my pajamas (the more I wear pajamas, the more I'm attached to it), I can eat all I can with an excuse that 'Good food will help me to recover fast', I can eat regularly 3x a day with an excuse that 'I have to take medicine 3x a day after food', and so on, so forth.

Anyway, I received a forwarded email from my friend few weeks ago but I just didn't have chance to post it here. This is very meaningful. It illustrates a story about a girl who was so desperate about her life and all the problems she had till she wanted to kill herself. Then... she jumped out from her 9-storey apartment and was surprised to see what happened with her neighbors.











It's a good illustration for us. Each of us has secret in our life that we don't dare to reveal it to others, even to our closest persons, like mother, sister, brother, or best friends, or even to personal diary! If we have chance to look into other people's life, we are not the most unlucky persons in this world! For me, I feel better if I get punishment together with other people. It reminds me with a moment during my school days, it was when I was kicked out from class because I was wearing skirt too short. I was soooo embarrassed since it was my first year of my high school time. I went out and looked around, I saw a bunch of girls who were getting same punishment as me, at that time I felt better. The best part was, when I saw my elder sis was among that bunch of girls! Omo! Then, I was not afraid anymore, even when teacher asked us to 'tidak boleh mengikuti 1 mata pelajaran dan berdiri di lapangan selama 45 menit' together with other hundreds of girls. I would regret it if I didn't wear that short skirt. It's so 'langka' for teacher to ask us to skip class, isn't it?

Anyway, the morale of the story is, don't feel down with problems that we have in our life. Just be happy and think about what's the purpose behind it. *Alahhh, now you can say this easily, few days ago you were just so moody!* Weelhaa.. my dialy kulang ajal, belani2nya kau! Those who have experience are the ones who are able to give advice to others, ok?!!

-Abbie-