Clumsy Me

Tuesday, 11 Sep 07, 10.10am at home

Hellow my diary,
Today is September eleventh, at 10.10am. What a special day!

I've been not in the mood of writing diary recently. I'm busy doing something now, NO, doing many things. You know, the things what a housewife should do. I used to live alone without maid for so many years in Aust n Spore but this time is lil bit different. Dunno why I always keep busy cleaning here and there, busy returning stuff to the place where it should be, busy tidying up cupboard many times although it's already neat and nice. I know that it's my first home after my marriage but it's not our real home anyway.. My parents used to own a beautiful house in Aust, I was the one who stay in that house, I was the one who hold the responsibility to its security and cleanliness. By right, I should be more paranoid than now because it was my parents' own house. But I was not! I could managed my time, schooling while cleaning house. Now, I'm a full time housewife but I'm so busy. I always want to make sure that the stove and oven are 'kinclong', the floor is 'clink2', and tables are always spotless. Apakah aku mengidap gejala2 penyakit tertentu? I think it's because now I bought every stuff with our own money (not parents' money, it's different!), so I can really feel sad if I spoil them. I feel responsible to all the things that belong to me. But, too bad, why I'm always unlucky? *Feeling responsible only is not enough, my dear*

One day, I made my egg exploded in my microwave, I burnt my pan, I made my saucespoon on fire, and of course many times I burnt my food too, I scratched my new table with a knife, accidentally of course, and so on so on. *What's the use of cleaning everyday? Damaging is worse than not-cleaning* Yes, I'm a clumsy girl but I never expect me to go too far till that extent. Now I have a sore on my feet; lebam, ungu, perih, dan bernanah. Don't be surprised, it's all because of my new high-heel shoes. I just bought a new black shoes bergesper, finally I bought a pair of doll shoes! But, to be beautiful is a painful process! It's so painful till I can't walk straight nor even wearing sandals now. Poor me, clumsy me, get well soon..

Anyway, recently I've been asking myself:
- What do I want to be?
- What do I want to do?
- What is the primary goal of my life?
You know what, I can't really answer these questions. I'm wondering if everyone is also the same. Some friends of mine keep asking me 'what are you doing there? cleaning house, then what?' It's a simple question but I can't answer it immediately. Yea, what am I doing here? Using the time? or spending the time? or wasting the time? or killing the time? Why should English have so many words with 'slightly' different meaning, just to describe one thing?

Started few days ago, my hubby has been motivating me to do something useful. I have no confident that I can do it but he has! I'm willing to try. Better trying than not trying, as long as it won't danger me, rite? Let's see.. Thanks honey, at least I know one person is siding me. Anyway, he passed his 2nd test! :D Yea, I knew he could do it.. It's a good thing that he's my husband. Bukankah Tuhan mempersatukan dua insan yang berbeda untuk saling melengkapi? I'm clumsy, he's attentive.. I'm careless, he's careful.. I'm easy-to-give-up, he's persistent.. I'm not-too-smart-type, he's brainy.. I'm indecisive, he's strong minded.. well, kenapa aku dapetnya yg jelek2? Sometimes I'm wondering why he married a useless clumsy girl like me if he's already such a perfect guy, he answered "Because you're super-ndolo (meaning: super-stupid-clumsy), you're special". Maybe he thinks I'm like a cagar-alam yg hampir punah yg patut dipelihara that he never found in his Mars planet? Well, every creature is unique, whether it's in a good or bad way! There must be someone who appreciates you, rite??

What am I writing now? Ngelantur sana sini, yes it's me, remember, clumsy girl never focuses on one thing!
Bye diary..

-Clumsy Abbie-