See you again, Ama..

Thursday, 14 May 09, 7.45am on the bus

Dear diary,
I am on the bus now, but not going to office this time, I am going to airport. I am going to Indo. I am going home, diary. My grandma just passed away yesterday afternoon. I was so shocked when I heard this super bad news because I thought she was doing well after the surgery. Actually her condition was ok after the surgery, she was put in ICU for the next few days. She was conscious few times and just suddenly her condition was worsen and she's gone. The only thing I feel relieved is, I know that she's gone with Jesus. She's gone right after the pastor prayed for her.

I am so sad. I am sad not because I want her to keep alive. I know that whatever happens is under God's plan, and I personally think that this is the best for her. She's gone few days after she got baptized, she was still so clean and God didn't let her to commit any sin. Her diseases were very complicated so she was so in pain. This is why I said that it's the best that she's gone now, to a much better place where there is no pain, no cry, no loneliness. The thing that makes me sad is I do regret that I can't keep my promise to accompany her, to stay with her. She was a lonely person. She lived with her only maid in her big house. What she needed was only an accompany. She was so happy when Chinese New Year comes since all her children and grandchildren come and gather. Yes, I admit that we all come and gather but the exciting reason was not to meet my grandma, we love the gathering because we can see all the relatives, all my cousins. But the main topic was never about her. Now we are all gathering again, all my big families, and for the first time and the last time, we all gather for her. Whenever I think about this, my heart hurts so much!

Life is short. Treasure your time now to be with the people you love. We are all now like having a holiday for 80 years at a place called Earth. When the holiday is over, when the plane has arrived to pick us up, it's time to have a real life, a real eternal life. I don't want to say good bye to my grandma, but I prefer saying "See you again, Ama!" I did mean what I said, I will see her again soon in heaven!

-Abbie-