Craving for Food

Wed, 4 Aug 10, 9.37am at home

Morning, my dear diary..
My days have been upside down recently. My morning sickness is quite bad these last few weeks. My nausea is very bad although I don't throw up because I really hate throwing up. I feel that there is always 'emping' in my mouth, it tastes so bitter! If you want to know, the food that I hate the most in this world from the day I was born till the day I will die is Emping!! Emping is an Indonesian cracker, I don't understand why people created this kind of snack to be eaten. Even when my dad was trying me to do a barter for 1 small pack of emping with 1 car, I rejected him in 1 second without any regret! And now, that emping is always in my mouth 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the last 3 weeks. Can you imagine how many cars I will get? No, I mean, can you imagine how torturing is that? My head is spinning all the time. I still force myself to do my usual activities. I force myself to cook sometimes but at the end I really can't eat my own food. Amazingly, I can eat well when I eat out.

Now I am really craving for Nasi Gudeg. I keep searching for a restaurant that sells Nasi Gudeng in Hong Kong but I can't find it. :(

Then I found one video in youtube about how to make Nasi Gudeng at home. It looks quite interesting, it just needs some efforts and practice, and I think I can do it. I can make the krecek and the opor ayam, the only challenge is the jackfruit but I learned from youtube that I can replace 'daun jati' with the teabag to make the jackfruit and and egg red. But, I am not sure if I will still want to eat later after I finish cooking because I can't eat my own food now.

Three nights ago, I had a very sad dream till I woke up crying out loud. In my dream, I saw my little sister eating this 'Cabuk Rambak' with banana leaves. She offered me hers, but only 2 pieces left so I asked her to buy a new portion for me. After 10 mins, she came back with different food, not Cabuk Rambak. I asked her to go and buy again. After another 10 mins, she came back with another different food again! I was sooooo angry. Then I decided to go and buy myself. I saw a 'simbok' (old lady) with her Cabuk Rambak sitting in the corner, I quickly ordered 1 portion. This simbok slowly served my order with her hands while talking to the other simbok who was sitting beside her. And the more they talked, the conversation was getting hotter, her hands stopped moving, she completely forgot my order. My other brain realized that I was about to wake up from my dream since I could feel my hubby's movement on the bed beside me. I didn't want to go back to reality without tasting the Cabuk Rambak. I was angry with the simbok and I screamed while crying "Cepatannnnnnnnnnn Mbokk!! (Quickkkk!!)" and... I was left laying down on my bed crying and kicking my blanket. I heard my hubby said "Hey, wake up, it's just a dream, it's ok, it's ok" And I replied "I knowww, that's why I don't want to wake up!" Yes, back to reality, no Cabuk Rambak, no simbok, although my nose could smell the aroma of Cabuk Rambak but the emping flavour was back in my mouth again. I should have just eaten the 2 pieces left from my sister's, I regretted so much. I never know that craving for food can be this bad.

People say after 3 months, the emping flavour morning sickness is gone. So, it's another 3-4 weeks to go. Aja aja, Abbie!

-Abbie-